<br />Most people assume that the December holiday season is all about the big three: Christmas, Channukah, and Kwanzaa, all of which involve bright lights and the potential for burns, both emotional and physical. The first problem here is that Kwanzaa is, in fact, not a religious holiday at all. And, acccording to the Foundation for Pluralism, December this year marks a festive season for Muslims, Buddhists, Wiccans, Jews, Hindus, Zoroastrians, and all of your run-of-the-mill pagans and Christians. Atheists have also gotten involved, as we have already covered, getting media coverage and a ton of publicity for their December shenanigans. Below I have rounded up some of the religious aspects of the day, as well as some truly entertaining holiday cheer.

If you were enjoying the atheist-Christian carnage taking place around the country, you’ll be sad to find out that Washington State has stopped reviewing requests for new holiday displays in their capitol building, and common sense says they’ll be changing their stance on displays in the capitol before the next festive season. But lest you worry that public nativity scene drama is unique to the US of A, Spain has a similar problem, and some Anglican churches in the UK (including Westminster Abbey!) will be adding Hindu snowmen, a Chinese dragon, and a Jewish temple to their nativity scenes in the name of political correctness.

Christopher Hitchens, self-appointed god of atheists, wrote an anti-Christmas article for Slate in which he calls the US in December a “banana republic” complete with inescapable official propaganda. If you, like Hitchens, are offended by the holiday sights and sounds, the site Musical Fruitcake, which specializes in heinous holiday music, is probably not for you. If you’re not offended by Christmas light but are worried about a massive electricity bill (or, you know, “the environment”), you can find some advice here to save both money and nature.

Can the season benefit from the gradual crumbling of the worldwide economy? The Pope thinks so. He hopes that the global recession will cause people to return to the spiritual roots of Christmas and skip out on the holiday consumer binge, and Glenn Pauuw thinks it might lead to a resuscitation of Advent. Any optimism you may have, however, will be swiftly shattered when you learn that moms will stop buying new outfits and appliances in favor of more presents for their kids, and that New Yorkers will tip each of their twelve doormen only $75, instead of the traditional $100, in the name of frugality. I can only hope this restraint won’t stop you from purchasing an ever-traditional fruitcake, whose poor sales are hurting monasteries and abbeys across the country.

If you do cut out the fruitcake (for economic or taste bud reasons) at least look at the New York Times holiday food blog. And don’t forget the latkes! Nothing says the holidays like the smell of oil and potatoes seeping into all of your clothes and coming out of your pores for at least half a week. Judy Zeidler at the Jewish Journal shares some family recipes, including one for latkes.

For those unfamiliar with Channukah, Jewfaq.org summarizes the story and the traditions, while Rabbi Brad Hirschfield answers a few questions about the holiday at his blog. USA Today offers a list of eight great Channukah books, including the best holiday story ever, Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins. If you, Hitchens style, don’t feel like Christmas carols, and you can’t listen to “I have a little dreidel” one more time, Roger Bennett and Josh Kun have put together a list of their Channukah “top twelve,” while Idol Chatter highlights some new Channukah music standouts, including songs by Hasidic rapper Y-Love. If you can stomach it just one more time, Y-Love’s rendition of “I have a little dreidel” is below:

Celebrating the festival of lights can be difficult in such a Christmas-heavy country, and Lisa Keys discusses her attempts to find the best way to celebrate Channukah with her kids, while Dahlia Lithwick has a guide to help you find the most Jew-friendly Christmas specials. Jeffrey Goldberg, a nice Jewish boy, defends the phrase “Merry Christmas,” and Ray Fisman argues that Channukah keeps Jews from assimilating, by giving us something to hold onto in this season that is distinctly our own—besides the Starbucks Channukah blend and cups, which, it turns out, were fake.

Even without the oh-so-Jewish specter of assimilation hanging over its head, Christmas seems to be having a bit of an identity crisis this year. The Virgin Mary made a Christmas appearance on the cover of Playboy in Mexico, Santa promoted beer (and was promptly sued for marketing booze to children), a sex offender caused a halt to the Postal Service’s secret Santa program, and Moby reimagined Santa as Barack Obama. Yes, NPR tells us, there has been a “nautification” of Christmas—but is it all bad?

“Christmas was, from the beginning, both holy and horrible, sacred and scary,” says Amy Laura Hall, a professor of theological ethics at Duke University…”There isn’t an easy way to make it all hygienic, because the incarnation mixes God up with sheep poop and sinners.”

But where is the Christ in Christmas? Cathy Lynn Grossman thinks he’s been transformed into Santa (and then into Obama—thanks Moby!). Reverend James Martin is upset that Christmas cards are more about vacations and cute dogs than the birth of Jesus, and David Gibson agrees, sort of, but sent Rev. Martin a Christmas card with his kid on it anyway. Ed Kilgore at Progressive Revival thinks that the War on Christmas is ridiculous, and that, as much as Bill O’Reilly cries, having “Merry Christmas” replaced with “Happy Holidays” isn’t on par with ye olde attacks on Christians and being fed to a lion.

If you don’t appreciate these many gifts I have gathered, if you don’t celebrate a holiday in December, if you don’t belong to one of the faiths listed way, way at the top of this post, then I hope you live in D.C. and can celebrate Festivus for the rest of us. Or, perhaps, regardless of faith, culture, history, and belief, we can all ask for my favorite tweetmas request: peace on earth and an iPhone.